Helen Grant - Ghostwriter

I don’t know where you live, UK, New York, Los Angeles, Hong Kong or some remote town on a remote island, but I do know that whatever your age, size or lifestyle, you can stand out from the crowd, turn heads and win admirers. Anyone can do it, regardless of where they’re from and where they’re heading.

I’m not talking clothes, make-up and hairstyles - okay, maybe to a certain extent. What I’m really referring to is you as a person, your mannerisms, lifestyle choices and character.

Regarding appearance, if you want to be different, check out vintage, thrift and charity stores. They usually have one-off pieces that are not too way out, but will make you stand out. Choose unusual accessories. Shop in random stores and boutiques that few people have heard of. You may need to shop online if there aren’t any where you live.

Remember - no one thinks completely alike so there will be aspects of your personality that are unique without you even trying. No two people look the same either - even identical twins are not completely identical. So your genetic make-up will always be unique.

When it comes to getting to know someone, simple but unusual questions are best. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? If money and circumstances were no object, where in the world would you live? What was the first record you bought? How old were you when … you get the picture.

Big companies, in the name of branding, spend millions on market research to stand out from the crowd. You need to do the same but on a much smaller scale, and you don’t need to spend a fortune. Mimic the traits of successful companies. Dare to be different. Take risks. Practice your ‘customer service skills’ i.e. people skills. Be kind, courteous, helpful, reliable, professional and polite. Everything you do has an influence on someone, somewhere. Build trust. Be loyal.

Finally, make unique lifestyle choices. Organise a one-of-a-kind stag or bithday party. Re-train in a field where there’s a shortage i.e. priest, UFO specialist, nuclear medicine, ultrasonographer, belly dancer. Become a professional weight lifter. Drive an unusual car. Breed blue tits. Become known for a signature piece, such as hats, red lipstick or bow ties. The possibilities are endless.

Today I spent the afternoon walking around a nearby park in the sunshine. There was a gentle breeze and the air was fresh. There was nobody about, so I walked and walked, and thought about stuff, like holidays (the lack of them).

I came to the conclusion that I need a holiday; a foreign holiday, and a long one at that. I was thinking the last time I had a proper break, that didn’t involve work, was Toronto in 2004. I’ve flitted about other places since, but not a decent holiday that involved relaxation, good food, lots of outdoorsy stuff, sunshine and addictive company. My next jaunt will be worth it, no doubt about that. I’m on the case. 

Oh, and today I received an email from a couple that write love letters to each other every day. Isn’t that amazing? I’m in serious need of a love letter and a holiday. Excuse me while I go and weep into a glass of wine. 

Look for types you’ve not considered before. Chances are you’ll find someone who stirs you in a way beyond words. Most people are attracted to the same sort - consciously or unconsciously they repeat the same mistakes. After a period of exciting tension, everything is over and they’re left nursing their wounds.

Nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Look for someone with shared interests, shared goals, a smile that makes your heart flutter, and a knowingness in their eyes. Don’t be afraid to take a chance on someone who is not your usual cup of tea. 

Beautiful paintings may be full of charm but what keeps the eye from roving is a depth beyond the painting. A magic so bewitching and unforgettable and complex that the external gloss pales into insignificance. Dare to be different yourself too.

When you meet someone special - focus on being interested not interesting. The second bit should come naturally, but showing an interest in others will make you stand out because most people find it a difficult skill to master. They don’t have the discipline, patience or desire to make listening a priority. 

Stop. Breathe. Smile. Have fun. Ask questions. Listen attentively. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Unless someone asks, they’re not interested in the size of your wallet or the year you spent travelling around Asia. They want to feel attractive. So shine a light on them, and if they return the favour by doing the same, you’ll strike up a natural rapport.

Not sure what to ask? Figure out what topics excite them and take it from there. You’ll know instantly when something floats their boat because it will show in their eyes and their mannerisms.

Gentlemen, you’re single and you want to meet a woman. Not just any woman. You want a beautiful woman and you want to keep her too. Well, here’s the good news. Women are not such difficult creatures as men give us credit for!

What do we want? Number one - we want to be protected. Yes, I know this doesn’t apply to all women but it’s top of the list for any woman I’ve ever spoken to. Our need to be protected dates back to the days of Adam and Eve. It’s our primary instinct. So sweep us off our feet and carry us to your cave.

Number two - we want to be provided for but we want our independence too. So spoil us as much as you want (we’ll be eternally grateful) but let us do our own thing aswell. When I refer to our own thing, I mean work, interests and friends.

Every woman’s independence threshold is different. Some like to travel alone, others enjoy a cuppa with their neighbour, and some women prefer to live in separate houses. But all women are princesses at heart and princesses like the finer things in life. Any woman who disagrees is either lying or deluding herself. So spoil us to your hearts content.

Yes, when we love someone we want to attach to our loved one and be connected, but like you, we enjoy indulging our interests. If you want a woman who will live in your pocket, there are plenty out there, but true princesses have their own interests, friends and goals alongside those she shares with you.

Having said that, we want to be mates with your mates, and we like shared interests and pals, but for our own sanity we need an ear to bleed that doesn’t involve you.

We like men who smell good. You don’t have to be classically good looking, but you need to smell good and the chemistry has to be right. Some of the most gorgeous men in the world have bald heads, big feet and a pot belly. What separates them from other guys is their sense of humour, charm, attentiveness and charisma. Being confident in your own skin is the biggest turn-on of all.

Oh, and we like to laugh! So tickle us stupid and crack silly jokes and we will love you even more. We’re a long time dead, so we might as well enjoy ourselves. No one likes a misery so if your tonsils have seen better days, brush off the cobwebs, lighten up and the world will be a sunnier place. Magical things happen when we laugh together.

What do Angelina Jolie and Milla Jovovich have in common? They have a mysterious quality that attracts men like a magnet, makes them putty in their hands and brings them to their knees.

When it comes to being irresistibly sexy we can learn a lot from women who already wear the t-shirt. Throughout history, there has been a secret combination of qualities that make women irresistible to men.

Catherine Zeta-Jones has it. Marilyn Monroe, Helen of Troy and Cleopatra had it. Scarlett Johansson, Eva Longoria and Nigella Lawson have got it. Angelina Jolie definitely has it. All have driven men to distraction - and some to destruction. How? By being a multitude of contradictions. Sweet and sexy. Maternal and filthy. Elegant and depraved.

Sexy women have more than just the looks and body of a Goddess. They cast a spell of enchantment the minute they open their luscious mouths. They ask for men’s advice. They are attentive and charming. They ask questions and listen with doey eyes. They wear heels and wiggle when they walk. They enter a room and the temperature starts to rise.

Every man wants a girl with different sides to her personality. They want someone feisty and cool to hang out with. Beautiful and smart. But most of all they want someone unpredictable. They might not think they do, but their subconscious certainly does.

So by all means be the person his mother will adore, cook him delicious meals and be gracious to his friends. But walk on the wild side too. If you dream of making out in places where you’re bound to get caught, tell him. If you have fantasies about three in a bed sex, tell him that too. Pounce when he leasts expects it.

Make him tremble by being the woman he least expects.

I had a boyfriend when I was a teenager who I thought I was in love with. He was gorgeous. You know how some people have features that compliment each other, like a full mouth and sparkling eyes and good teeth? That was him, but he was much more than his looks; it was his charm that set him apart from other boys. He was funny and attentive, and he put others before himself.

That, I believe, is the key to a magnetic personality; humour, charm, attentiveness and the ability to give without any expectations. Give, give, give without any thought of receiving in return and your life will be transformed. Those magical ingredients when mixed together have the power to turn mundaneness on it’s head, and continue to do so for anyone who is open enough to accept that their problems are their own doing. The path to change is within all of us.

I much prefer to give than receive. It’s how I try to live my life. There’s no feeling quite like making someone else happy and helping others to achieve their goals. For those of you who like surprises, try it, because magical things happen to those who put others first. Call it a coincidence, a reward from the universe, or whatever else sits comfortably with your beliefs. If you prefer to receive than give, trust me when I say you’ll receive far more if you make giving your priority.

On a musical note, I’m loving the new Robert Plant and Alison Krauss CD, especially a song titled ‘Please Read the Letter that I wrote’. Discovering Robert and Alison has been one of the musical highlights of my year. Their voices have a lovely countryish, hypnotic flavour to them that reminds me of floaty dresses and high heel boots. Bewitching.

We are very excited because we have a new kitten coming to stay. He’s very little, not even a week old, so he’s with his mum for a few more weeks. But it’s very exciting knowing that he’ll be part of the family soon. His name is Ozzy and he’s gorgeous, dark grey and fluffy with a white bib and paws. I promise not to mollycoddle this one, but don’t hold me to that.

Getting frisky when your brain freezes may not guarantee a bestseller but it will sure as hell get your juices flowing. Here are some sexy ways to overcome writer’s block.

1. Get naked, grab a blindfold and ask your other half to spoon feed you different flavour sauces and foods. Have fun guessing what each one is!

2. Get experimenting … with food, that is. If you live alone, cook yourself an erotic meal (i.e. foods that you can nibble on). If you’re coupled up, have a food fight. Then toss a coin to see who clears up (top tip: choose tails. The head side of the coin is heaviest so usually lands on the bottom).

3. Write an erotic love story as if no-one will read it but you, and if you’re brave enough, your partner. Take it in turns to write a paragraph each. Unleash your imagination knowing that yours are the only eyes that will ever see it. Lose yourself to wanton abandon!

4. Play erotic scrabble - rude words only.

5. Role play – choose two famous characters from history and re-enact sexy scenes from your favourite books or films. Remember to dress the part!

6. And if all else fails, and you’re still suffering from a bad bout of brain freeze, go for a long walk, take a cold shower or sleep the bugger off!